Wednesday, 2 June 2010

When Sea Creatures Attack....

I don’t know about you, but for me, when the weather warms up and we’re starting to be dimly threatened by summer, all I want to do is watch sea creature related peril movies, particularly if they primarily involve beaches and bikinis.

So in celebration of Britain's brief attempt at not being bleak and drizzley, last week I watched:

Piranha (1978)

Still awesome. Completely silly, completely B Movierrific, completely camp and completely wonderful.

Piranha Part Two: The Spawning (1981)

Clearly James Cameron’s finest film. It’s got Lance Henriksen in it and it taught me several valuable lessons:

1) Having sex underwater is stupid.

2) Piranhas can fly. Not glide in a favourable wind like lesser fish, literally fly.

3) It’s remarkably easy to make a waterproof time bomb.

4) A torch is an inadequate weapon against piranhas.

5) I hate Titanic, it still sucks.

6) I’d probably watch anything with the word ‘spawning’ in the title. It’s a great word.

Piranha (1995 remake)

Exactly like 1978’s Piranha except that in the intervening 17 years special effects have apparently made no advancements and have, in fact, gotten worse and no amount of Williams Katts and curiously flat-chested and brunette ex-Baywatch babes is going to change that.

Mega Piranha (2010)

Starred Tiffany. That’s all I have to say about that.

Megalodon (2002)

I watched 50+ minutes of a film about some people on an oil rig until a prehistoric shark eventually showed up, did very little and got blown up. V. disappointing. But it did have that guy who made fires in a couple of episodes of The X Files, and who appears to be in everything I watch recently to point I’m beginning to suspect he may be stalking me, in it.

Malibu Shark Attack (2009)

Beaches, bikinis and blood, that’s what I signed up for and MSA did its very best to oblige, which was thoughtful of it. Other than that, better than Shark in Venice is the best I can offer.

To celebrate my personal ‘Menace of the Deep’ season (and that fact that I’m the most awesome wife ever) my gorgeous husband bought me this:

This is romantic to us. Mr. Bitey now resides on the top of our TV where we both now continually eye him suspiciously because we’re fairly certain that he’s just waiting for us to drop our guard so he can mount an attack. He fits into our little family well.


  1. Wow. This is like the weirdest coincidence ever, dude...

    Oh, and I love Mr Bitey.

  2. Awesome. I didn't know there was a Piranha remake, and now I want it.

  3. That is so weird, Matthew!
    I really should have been more enthusiastic about it. I am enthuastic about it, I'm just lazy. You must watch it though, Tiffany would want you to, and it's not every day you get to see a piranha take on a nuclear capable submarine.

    Hi, Mike! The remake is essentially exactly the same, but still fun, hell, anything with piranhas in is fun and worth watching. Get it, get it! Loved your baby pic, by the way, you little cutie, you.

  4. I had no idea there was a Piranha remake either. Must see it!

    I found Mega Piranha an absolute hoot; it made me laugh out loud several times and, to be fair, it actually made me jump once or twice, too. The original Piranha made me a Joe Dante fan, and I've remained one ever since -- and having a bearded, flannel-shirt-wearing Bradford Dillman in it didn't hurt, either. Sigh.

  5. Hi, Jack. How are you?
    There's something about a man in flannel, isn't there? You just feel you can rely on them to get the job done, whatever the job may be. I'm a huge fan of the beard too. Must post my favourite beards some day.



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