Goth Girls' Detective Club

The 80s were a pivotal decade for me, a lot of things happened to me in the 80s; I went to Big School, got a baby brother, briefly became obsessed with Norway, accidentally had my hair cut like Paul Young (it was supposed to be a Bowie, ok), the unholy mess of puberty happened and boys were invented, hurray! (I also invented kissing about this point, you can thank me for that later. Best invention of the decade, if I do say so myself, the frozen pea ice lolly which I also invented somewhere around 1985 whilst watching The Incredible Hulk coming in a close second). Yes the 80s were a good time to be young and there is nothing more awesome or awe inspiring than the 80s teenager, they were a beautiful, bright, crazy and profligate breed who were quite often in their thirties. The 80s teenager was a rare and exotic creature with fantastical plumage that was high and proud and bright of hue and gleamed in the midday sun as they shook manes to Whitesnake.  Yes, the 80s teenager was t...

When I was a young thing, American pop combo New Kids on the Block were the wholesome young pinups of choice for young girls across the land. With their catchy, if somewhat illogical, songs and their boyish good looks they set many a teenage heart aflutter as they insisted on ‘Hangin’ Tough’ all over the UK charts. Although most of us weren’t entirely sure what ‘Hangin’ Tough’ actually meant we were reasonably certain that it was something terribly cool and American as New Kids were doing it with abandon. This all worked well for some, but fundamentally it had a flaw - we were British - we didn’t entirely understand these perky Bostonians and their oddly synchronised dancing of the street, we needed something else, something that captured the England of our time with all its sullen irascibility. Enter Bros – two leather clad twins of infinite blondeness and the other one in the back in an anorak. Bros wilfully set fire to the charts with their peculiar brand of Aryan blandness st...

Pssst, 80s, are you there? It’s me – Jinx - again. I was wondering; if you’re not busy, do want to hang out some more? We could play some Pac-Man or we could practice our dance moves to the top 40 I taped off the radio, or we could do each other’s hair and you could make mine look like Tiffany’s. Hell, yeah, Tiffany! Oh, I know, even better, we could wriggle into our Snoopy jammies and watch some movies. Yeah, 80s, lets do that. C.H.U.D. (1984) When the homeless population of New York begin disappearing at an alarming rate, a concerned policeman along with a photographer and his girlfriend and the man who runs the homeless shelter begin to investigate. Little do they know exactly what is lurking in the sewers beneath the city. A few weeks ago I straddled the arm of the couch and spent a considerable amount of time pretending to be Cher in the ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ video. (Everyone's got to have a hobby, mine's pretending to be Cher, ok?) This made me feel like a si...

My brother: the pride of 1986 Many notable events occurred in 1986. Halley’s Comet put in an appearance, and became the first comet to be observed in detail by a spaceship. Mexico hosted the football World Cup and saw Diego Maradona’s infamous (and rather cheaty) ‘Hand of God’ bring victory for Argentina. We put our Hands Across America, (not me personally sadly, I was busy starting Big School), to fight hunger. And, most importantly, my little brother was born! Kurt came into this world on 16th May 1986 at 15.05 weighing in at a mighty, and rather alarming, 9lb 3oz, and he has plagued and delighted my life ever since. Initially I was none too thrilled about getting a little brother, I’d have rather gotten a dog, or Mousetrap, but despite my repeated assertions that we didn’t need a baby one turned up anyway and I reluctantly became a big sister. To my eternal regret I wasn’t the greatest big sister. I spent much of Kurt’s early life either ignoring him or tormenting him. The two...

Oh, the 80s, how I love you, with your shiny, shiny outfits and your big hair and your eyeshadow that, some might say, unnecessarily always matched the bulk of the colour in your shiny, shiny outfits. I wouldn’t say that, obviously, because I love you. I love your trash and your glitter. I love to watch you strutting about in your power suit and your naughty stilettos while a power ballad plays behind you. The only thing I don’t love about you is Thatcher, but that’s not your fault, you didn’t know what she was up to marching in your direction in her sensible shoes with her bouffant of evil clutching her handbag of lies and destruction. No, that wasn’t your fault. Mind you, 80s, I do still know all the words to the Wham! Rap, that is, kind of, a little bit, your fault. I get ridiculed a lot for that, it’s my only party piece for when I’ve had a few drinks and it strangely never elicits the kind of awe and wonder and undying respect you’d imagine it would. But never mind 80s, you rule, ...

The Rentaghost cast When I was young Rentaghost was my absolute favourite show ever Once, when I was about seven, in an attempt to integrate me, my mother suggested I join the Brownies; the idea was met with scorn and derision largely because the Brownies swarmed (I’m assuming that’s what Brownies do) on a Rentaghost night, and they sucked, and dressed like tiny poos, and they sucked. It turned out later that I just wasn’t a naturally inclined participator in group activities. Needless to say I didn’t have a lot of friends as youngster, but then there are also no childhood pictures of me dressed like a chubby, redheaded turd at a jamboree somewhere, so take that, Brownies, who’s big and clever now?! Rentaghost was a British children's television comedy programme broadcast on the BBC between 1976 and 1984 and revolved around a company, 'Rentaghost', which hired out ghosts for a variety of potentially hilarious jobs and purposes. The first series of Rentaghost saw th...