Monday, 17 January 2011

Jinx, Links, Drinks and Kinks

Well, hello there, gorgeous cats and kittens!

Just stopping by to apologise for not having been around as much of late. I’ve been a bit under the weather. Well, actually, no, I’ve been feeling a bit sorry for myself is a more accurate way of putting it. I’ve had a rubbish gammy foot for about six months which has been increasingly causing me ungodly amounts of pain, and while the pain is indeed ungodly, it’s been more the fact that hobbling around the place half of the time has made me feel old and decrepit and that has made me a bit low (except for briefly during the bad snow when I quite genuinely looked like Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining on my home from work each night, that amused me). After finally relenting and visiting a doctor (and then a biomechanical specialist, seriously made me feel like the Six Million Dollar Man) it turns out have Morton’s Neuroma which is a tumour that grows on a nerve in the foot, hence ungodly pain. The name and the description actually sound more alarming than it really is, it’s really just a pathetic complaint most commonly suffered by people who wear high heeled shoes constantly. As I am not one of these people this really pisses me off. Anyway, I may have to have a crappy operation which I’m none to thrilled about, but as an interim measure I have been issued with special inserts for the only pair of boots I can actually suffer wearing, so essentially I am now wearing ‘special shoes’, just a small step away from orthopaedic corrective footwear. I am not exactly thrilled about this either, it’s the principle not necessarily the aesthetics. I am reluctantly forced to admit that the inserts have made a hell of a lot of difference. And that’s what I’ve been up to. Hope you’ve been having more fun.

In other news I seriously can’t stop watching Metalocalypse. I love it so much. My husband and I have started narrating the kittens giving them the voices of Skwisgaar and Toki. ‘Stops copyings me, BeBe.’ We find this hilarious. We’re not getting out much at the moment.

For reasons best known to myself I’ve started ploughing my way through the Children of the Corn series. I guess I’ve been self medicating with whiskey too much. To prove this point further my sister and I spent Christmas threatening to start writing Midsomer Murders fan fiction. I've also been thinking I’d rather like a really fancy blog banner to stick up at the top there, only I suck and am incapable of anything that technical, if anyone super clever would care to make me one you will have my undying adulation. Sorry, I’m just wittering now.

One thing that did cheer me up recently was that the unbelievably rock and roll Matthew Coniam sent me the most awesome Christmas present and I now have Vincent Price and Robin Askwith goodness to cheer me over the coming week. (I didn’t get it till just last week because Royal Mail suck and can’t cope with a little bit of snow). Thank you so much, Matthew, you are the very best!

Also another piece of good news that pleased me heartily was that gorgeous The Mike has been nominated in Total Film’s 2011 Best Movie Blog Awards in the category of Best Fan Blog. Hell, yeah! Please, please, please stop by and give him your vote.

click for voting goodness

I would also like to thank the very lovely Jenny B. for kindly bestowing on me her ‘You Make Me Scream Award’. I utterly love it, Jenny, and thank you so much for honouring me with it. I promise to pass it on when I’m feeling a bit less old and rubbish.

Sorry, I’ve been unpleasantly whiny this post, that’s rubbish. However, I’m very grateful that people like Matthew, The Mike, Jenny and many others here make me super happy on a daily basis with their wit, wisdom and general all round awesomeness. I will finish now on a lighter, less whiny, note and offer up some of the more amusing searches that have brought people to my blog recently and made me smile:

Heroine in her underwear – Yes I am! Love this.

Burt Ward penis - I get variations on this a lot. Really, a lot. What’s wrong with people?

Removal of jinx for alcoholism - Shut up!

Daddy shirtless - even by my standards that’s just a bit creepy

For god's sake will somebody help me - not sure if this was a cry for help that got misdirected. My review of Somebody Help Me probably didn’t help matters. Sorry.

At the recess queen mean jean push velma who wears glasses – nope, no idea what that means, but I’m fairly sure someone somewhere is taking the piss out of me.

jynx fuck puppet: I ruddy beg your pardon!

Jinx to make my son behave: Yup, you’re in the right place, I make all the boys behave.

Horror tit grab – Hell yeah!!!

Sex with octopus – I both love and fear this one all at once. Unfortunately I’m not entirely surprised though; I do discuss sex with marine life disturbingly often here.


  1. You're welcome, ducks. Sorry to hear about the foot business; bummer.
    I only hope the spectacle of Michael Parkinson playing himself in Madhouse helps, as it surely must...
    Love those searches. 'mother's tits' found its way to me this week - a strange echo of your 'daddy shirtless'.

    Some of my all-time favourites from the Carfax archives:

    'Things that are not possible'
    'Hitler lookalikes pictures'
    'all estate agents croydon' (how disappointed were they?)
    'acrobatic girl lift and carry'
    'what kind of car did Vampira ride in?'
    'Hitchcock's most popular murder weapon'
    ... and my favourite:
    'absence pop'
    (which sounds like the title of a Manic Street Preachers album).

    The tragedy is that even the ones that make the vaguest sense would have come up empty. I've no idea what Hitchcock's most popular murder weapon is, or what kind of car Vampira rode in. I feel so useless.

  2. Boo! Evil foot gnomes creating mischief are not wanted in this clubhouse! In all seriousness I do hope that you get better quickly, Jinx. The blogspots are a little dimmer without your shining rays of hilarious absurdity.

    Speaking of which, I love those search phrases. One that I received this week has somebody apparently looking for a "horror movie impregnation megavideo." I have no suggestions on the matter. =)

  3. Sorry to hear about your foot afflictions! I'm extremely sympathetic, as I had back surgery last year...made me feel about thirty years older than I am!

    "Sex with Octopus"? I would have just assumed that this referred to some weird anime program. There is a disturbing amount of Japanese animated programs that involved tentacled creatures having their way with schoolgirls!

  4. Ouch, sorry to hear about your foot. I've been having low back pain myself, of the it-hurts-because-it's-cold-and-you're-old variety, which I'm not crazy about either. I thought age brought dignity. My mad doctor gave me painkillers, though, thank heaven.

    I admit, with some embarrassment, that I once spent a lot of time searching for Daddy Shirtless myself -- but I was much younger then, and it wasn't in cyberspace.

  5. A lot of people around me have had foot problems lately. My dad is going in for surgery in a few months and he is none too pleased about it, as well! Hope everything goes good for you! Keep up the horror-lovin' and get back to us when you feel better!

  6. foot problems are no fun at all! hope everything goes well and looking forward to more blogs!

  7. Awwww, I'm just now catching this. Thanks for the loveliness, you're an all-star in my book!

    And as for those search terms...well done! :)



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