Thursday, 28 July 2011

Red Rocks!

I love red! I think it’s awesome, awesome like Def Leppard, and kittens, and Tony Todd, and Saturdays, and Christmas, and pizza, and horror triple pack DVDs and Magic Sand…….

Yup, I do love red and it’s the hair colour I’ve stuck to most enduringly. While I have had many a ridiculous hair colour in my time, red is the one I always come back to, it suits me, it makes happiest, I feel most comfortable and most like myself as a redhead. And, as far as I’m concerned, you can never be too red.

However, recently, I’ve been a bit blue. Not for any particular reason, just a bit down, kind of like how you feel just after Christmas when all the excitement is over and you are faced with going back to work/school and the long, bleak months of cold and snow and ice and sleet and general freezing misery stretch out ahead. I hasten to add at this point that I’m absolutely fine, this current, vague existential ennui is just a passing fad that will dissipate instantly just a soon as I spot something shiny and get distracted, so nothing to worry about.

Now, to get back to the point (kind of), one of the reasons I am wee bit down is because of my day job. My day job sucks, it’s a monstrous parasite that is slowly destroying my soul with its monotony and general hideousness (I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way). Fact is that I’m ill-suited to my day job, it utilises absolutely none of my skills or pervious experience and training, and, in fact, to all intents and purposes, I could be replaced with a wire coat hanger and no one would probably notice, productivity might even increase. But ultimately we all have to do what we have to do to make ends meet, especially in this current climate. Really I need to find a new job, but again, this current climate makes that difficult. I did, however, have a job interview last week. I didn’t get it. I’m still not at the point, but, trust me, I’m getting there. It wasn’t a great job, I didn’t particularly want it except that it was a little more money for 10 less hours (this will give some idea of the pitiful wage I am on at the moment, it’s shocking, it really is). I was, however, glad that I did the interview.

Interviews are horrific, no one normal likes interviews, I utterly hate interviews, I dread them, largely because I really don’t like talking myself, I know that you are not going to believe that for a second and justifiably considering all I seem to do here is witter on about myself, I’m doing it now, for heaven’s sake, but really it’s true. By nature I’m really a self-deprecating person and don’t generally feel the need to be constantly patted on the back for every little thing I accomplish, consequently I tend not to make very much of any achievements I make, in a public sense, and I am often self mocking. This isn’t through any lack of self-confidence or self-esteem or anything silly like that, quite the opposite; I’m secure in myself and don’t feel the need to make myself feel superior in any respect, more significantly it’s my sense of humour and you have to work with what material you have. Add to those facts that I’m British, and we generally find that kind of self praise and boastfulness distasteful. All of this combined gives you the reason I hate interviews - I’m just not very good at them. But despite my clear inabilities in this vital area, I do generally tend to come across quite well; I’m intelligent and eloquent, I have diverse experiences, I’m personable, I’m kind and genuinely interested in others, I have a lot of pretty darn great qualities, but I never get any job I interview for and this is really quite limiting. But again, ultimately, this is largely my own fault and I know it is. When it comes down to it, when a lot of people interview for a job a lot of them are going to be excellent and when an employer comes to making a decision as to who employ in the real world the vast majority are more likely to pick the more conventional looking candidate over the blousy tattooed broad with ridiculous hair and too much make up. I do not mean this as any negative reflection on anyone involved in any of these processes, absolutely not, or on myself for that matter, but I’d be naïve not to recognise that that is downfall for me. But, when all is said and done, that is my fault, not theirs, it’s my decision to look the way I do, and I’m fine with that (I’d like to point out that I do scrub up fairly well). I could tone myself down; hide the tattoos better, dye my hair a more natural colour and wear more subtle make up, effectively I could be someone else for the sake of employability, but I don’t want to. A long time ago I made an informed decision that I wasn’t going to comprise myself to conform to what society may expect from me, or I may perceive that it expects, I am happy to be me, and, for the most part, people generally accept that without question and that’s just great, and people who know me love me because of these factors not in spite on them, and that’s even better.

So yeah, I’m an unemployable unnatural redhead and I’m proud!! That really took a long time to get to the point, many apologies. Anyway, to cheer me up in the face of defeat, and to celebrate my unashamed redness and the individuality in all of us no matter who we are, where we come from, what we believe and who and what we love, I have complied a pictorial jubilee of images of red in horror and genre film, TV and literature.

Yeah, red is awesome. And I got two pics of Ron Perlman as Hellboy in there, did you spot that? Hell yeah!

Just wanted to add to anyone who has emailed me recently (by recently this could mean the last few months), my email account is being weird, I keep replying to emails and then it sends me them back a few days later claiming failure (this is actually quite depressing symbolic of my like at the moment now I come to write it down). I will continue to seek resolution to this issue, please don’t think I am ignoring anyone because I’m absolutely not, I will respond as technology ceases its conspiracy against me. Damn machines.

Foot Watch 2011

I’m off for my second lot of cortisone injections next Thursday. Whoo hoo! Although I know what to expect now, I’m still none to happy about this state of affairs. I will, however, get to spend quite a few days on the couch as I won’t be able to walk, so if anyone has watched anything awesome recently that they think I should see please let me know, I shall have a considerable amount of time on my hands.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

The Horror of the 80s: Part Two

Pssst, 80s, are you there? It’s me – Jinx - again. I was wondering; if you’re not busy, do want to hang out some more? We could play some Pac-Man or we could practice our dance moves to the top 40 I taped off the radio, or we could do each other’s hair and you could make mine look like Tiffany’s. Hell, yeah, Tiffany! Oh, I know, even better, we could wriggle into our Snoopy jammies and watch some movies. Yeah, 80s, lets do that.

C.H.U.D. (1984)

When the homeless population of New York begin disappearing at an alarming rate, a concerned policeman along with a photographer and his girlfriend and the man who runs the homeless shelter begin to investigate. Little do they know exactly what is lurking in the sewers beneath the city.

A few weeks ago I straddled the arm of the couch and spent a considerable amount of time pretending to be Cher in the ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ video. (Everyone's got to have a hobby, mine's pretending to be Cher, ok?) This made me feel like a silly teenager again. Worrying, but true. And this is how C.H.U.D. makes me feel. There’s something delightfully retro about C.H.U.D., and I mean retro even for the 80s, that appeals to me.

The Serpent and the Rainbow (1988)

In the employ of a large pharmaceutical company an anthropologist travels to Haiti to investigate rumours of a drug used by black magic practitioners to turn people in zombies.

Love me a voodoo yarn. And The Serpent and the Rainbow is one hell of a voodoo yarn. Stylish, colourful and delicious, and Bill Pullman, which for some reason I’m always a little surprised about, the Bill Pullman bit I mean, not the first bit, I don’t know why Bill Pullman surprises me, but he does, I just don’t expect to see him places and then he’s there, or maybe I always get him confused with Bill Paxton, yes, that might be it. But, more to the point, The Serpent and the Rainbow is genuinely creepy and a must see. It also stars the wonderful Cathy Tyson who I believe isn’t appreciated enough as an actor.

The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

A home alone teenager decides to have a slumber party and not to invite new girl in school, and conveniently girl next door (well, across the street) to join in the fun. Unfortunately for our teenage hotties a multiple murderer with a propensity for power tools has escaped and is at large in the neighbourhood. Naturally he soon finds his way to the party and the scantily clad teenage nymphs soon find themselves in all manner of trouble and the unpopular new girl becomes their only chance of survival.

Written originally as a parody of the slasher genre by feminist author Rita Mae Brown, but ultimately filmed in all seriousness, The Slumber Party Massacre is the gift that keeps on giving. I don’t really need to say any more than; boobies, drills, blood and phallic imagery. It like the horror fan’s Christmas all wrapped up in a big blood stained bow, with a free pizza delivery thrown in. While as a woman maybe I’d have liked it to have been the fully realised feminist parody it could have been, and it does have its moments, as a horror fan I just love it regardless.

Terror Train (1980)

Any 80s horror that has Jamie Lee Curtis in it is going to be awesome, add to the JLC, one David Copperfield, and an array of ridiculous fancy dress costumes and the awesome just keeps getting awesomer.

At a college fraternity New Year's Eve party, Alana Maxwell (JLC) is lightly coerced into participating in a hilarious prank that any rationally human being can see is bloody stupid idea from the outset. Instead of saying that this is bloody stupid and telling the wacky japesters to bugger off, Alana instead climbs onboard the stupid wagon and lures the shy and awkward butt of the prank Kenny Hampson into a darkened room with the promise of sex. Really Kenny should have known that this was going to end badly so partially he really did deserve to find a woman’s corpse in the bed rather than the promised Jamie Lee. Understandably traumatised by this turn of events Kenny winds up in a psychiatric hospital.

Failing to realise how badly this bodes, three years later the same get together and hold a costume party aboard a train and as the partygoers begin to disappear it would appear that Kenny is back for bloody revenge.

Classic slasher fare - but on a train! Terror Train is a tense and claustrophobic thrill ride peppered with promiscuous teenagers, decent deaths, an outfit switching killer and cowboy Ben Johnson. And if that wasn’t enough Terror Train also features the bizarre presence of illusionist and notorious supermodel worrier David Copperfield, starring as a creepy illusionist Copperfield’s acting reminds us that he is an illusionist who worries supermodels.

Heck yeah, high five me, 80s! Woo!! You’re my best friend, 80s, I want to dress you in my love, all over your body…. Sorry there, 80s, that was a bit creepy, wasn’t it? I promise it won’t happen again. 80s? Where you going?.....come back…….


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