The Birthday Post: Why Jaws is the Best Film Ever

‘Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’.’

As you may know, (because I keep mentioning it) me and Jaws are the same age. Well, to be accurate, Jaws is a couple of months older, but apparently it’s only me that’s counting that, Jaws has yet to express an opinion so probably isn’t bothered. Anyway, as it’s my stupid 36th birthday tomorrow I thought it would be nice (and also might distract me from the horror of the event a bit) to celebrate Jaws and why it’s The Greatest Movie Ever.


I’m sure that there is a complex and intricate criteria for determining the Greatest Movie Ever. A lot of learned people are probably involved and it probably takes into account a great many elements of the filmmaking process, the artistic merits of the finished product and box office results. Or it’s a pubic phone in on Channel Four. Either way, it’s nearly always Citizen Kane.


Now, while Orson Welles’ masterwork may well be a incomparable example of filmmaking genius, I prefer to judge my Greatest Film Ever on a different criteria, I prefer to consider how often I can quote any given movie in my daily life. Hence, Jaws is the Greatest Film Ever, followed closely by Ghostbusters.


Jaws is distinctly quotable, it is choc full of memorable lines that can lend gravitas and drama to any otherwise prosaic occasion. Here are a few of my favourites and some potential uses.

‘Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’.’
I use this all the time as a precursor to the introduction of my opinion in any discussion (see above).


‘I’ll find him for three, but I’ll catch him, and kill him, for ten.’
Obviously good in any bartering situation, but this generally also works quite well as a confusion tactic when someone asks to you to do anything.

‘This was no boat accident!’
An incredulous rebuff perfect of pointing out the mistakes or incorrect assumptions of others.

‘Ha, ha - they're all gonna die’
Ideal for expressing derision at other peoples’ stupidity.


‘You have city hands’
First and foremost this can be used at any time of physical contact to inject an air of vague unease into the situation. Being introduced to someone new can be a wholly new and exciting experience by saying this on shaking hands, friends’ new partners, business associates or clients, even medical professionals, you can immediately disquiet them for the rest of the meeting by throwing a little Quint in there. Also, depending on what intonation you choose to employ, it can operate on a dual level as the recipient can never be sure if you are coming on to them in a uniquely disturbing way or subtly disparaging them. It can also operate as in inarguable closer in any argument.


‘You’re gonna need a bigger boat’
The classic! Variations can be used in any situation as an expression of how ill-equipped you are to deal with a particular task at hand.

‘For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.’
Ah, the multipurpose quote. Can be utilised to highlight how great and indispensable you are, it can also be used as qualifier when you are endeavouring summation of an argument or opinion or even a sales pitch. Furthermore, with the right sarcastic delivery, is also suitable for the illumination of extortionate prices of miscellaneous goods and products.
I have also used this in reference to our kittens so many times, particularly when I’m obliged to help out with claw trimming.


‘Here’s to swimmin’ with bow-legged women.’
There is never a situation where this toast is inappropriate. I used it at my mother’s last wedding. And at my own.
‘That’s some bad hat, Harry.’
Perfect for deriding anyone’s sartorial choices, or just choices or opinions full stop.

Obviously there are lots of reasons why Jaws is the best film ever, it’s phenomenally awesome being just one, but its quotability has got to rank up there, more people should be using Jaws quotes in everyday conversation. In fact, I positively demand it!