Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Son of the Creature from the Black Lagoon?


While a colleague of mine was out poking walls in Bridlington, one wall barked back at him. Upon peering into the hole in the wall to investigate this peculiar matter further he was rather surprised to find an eye peering back at him. The above is a photo he took of the strange beastie lurking in the small hole in a seafront wall in Bridlington. Nice that he immediately thought of me as someone who would love this madness.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Why I Need to Get Out More

Things That Have Kept Me Off the Streets the Last Few Weeks:

Frayed – Only watched this because the psycho killer had the same name as my brother and that amused me.

Feast Trilogy - Flesh eating beasts, Henry Rollins, Mexican midget wrestlers, tattooed biker chicks and boobies. What could possibly be wrong with these movies?

Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein – Still funny.

Abbott and Costello: Hold that Ghost – As above

Who Done it? – Ditto.

Abbot and Costello Meet the Mummy – And one more time for luck.

Laid to Rest – Sometimes people who are stalked by a raging, chrome-faced mental case deserve all they get.

April Fool’s Day (1986) – I have the biggest soft for this movie.

Session 9 – Creepy.

The Mist – You just knew how this was going to end! Damn it, Stephen King!

Friday the Thirteenth 3-D – Sometimes Channel 4 just pisses me off. Despite them for some reason insisting in their trailers that this was 70s film, it wasn’t, and neither was Jaws 3-D, Channel 4, while we’re airing our grievances, I still watched this. Sadly, I think everyone concerned was just a bit carried away with the whole 3-D idea to bother with making a proper film. Shame. Some nice kills though. If only 3-D hadn’t been so brazen with its wiles and short skirts leading everyone astray maybe people might have gotten some ruddy work done.

Monster Squad – Turns out there are good reasons this isn’t played for kids on Saturday afternoons anymore.

Monsters vs. Aliens – Awesome.

The Comedy of Terrors – Price, Lorre, Rathbone, Karloff -the horror equivalent of a supergroup, like The Travelling Willburys, but scarier.

Venom – You are very, very silly.

Ghost Ship – This was a rubbish film, but I’m fairly sure I quite enjoyed it, though for the life of me I can’t think of damn thing that happened in it.

Drag Me to Hell – Clearly, I am the last person in the world to see this, but I'm glad I did. Good to see some old fashioned gore and supernatural silliness back on the block.

The Quatermass Xperiment – In my book Hammer rules so I loved this.

City of the Dead - Or Horror Hotel to our American friends. I remember this from being a little one, and obsessed over finding it for ages as couldn’t remember the name. Turns out it was fairly easy to find and worth the wait.

The Thin Man - Oh, boy, Myrna Loy, how I love you. And you're not so bad yourself, Mr. Powell. Never get tired of watching these films.

Monday, 23 November 2009

Boris Birthday Bumps

As I appear to be totally all about deaths and birthdays at the moment (probably deeply psychologically telling that), I simply couldn’t let today pass without acknowledging the birthday of horror’s gentlemen Boris Karloff.

There now follows a brief list of reasons Mr. Karloff rocks:

• The sheer wealth of works he left behind. Seriously, the man had made more movies before talking was even invented (yes, talking had to be invented) than a lot of actors make in a lifetime.

• He turned down The Monster role in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein because he did not think it was respectful to the character.

• Despite this, he did, however, have sense of humour enough to pose for publicity shots for the movie that showed him buying tickets to see it. He also did go on to star in two other movies with them; …Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff and ….Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

• Arsenic and Old Lace. I love this movie so don’t even feel the need to justify this statement.

• That face. It truly was a beautiful face.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of the reasons I believe B.K. to be rocktastic, but rather an imperceptible but respectful nod of the head in direction of a horror icon.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Not Forgotten

Rest in peace, Mr. Woodward.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Bela Birthday

Happy Birthday, Bela. No one wears a cape like you did.

Monday, 12 October 2009

Scenes I'd Like To See

1. Stripped to the waist octogenarian take down a plate throwing dwarf with one of his own plates. Thank you ‘Skinned Deep’! You cost me £1 and you gave me so much!

2. Shark take down a plane mid flight. You rock, ‘Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus’!

3. Room full of hookers explode due to the ingestion of ‘super crack’. What can I say, 'Frankenhooker'? Your minxy little title sold me and you were all I dreamed.

4. Shark have sex with octopus. Actually didn’t even know I wanted to see this until watching the movie that fulfilled number 3 on this list. For the briefest of seconds I actually thought that mega shark and giant octopus were going to do it, but they didn’t, and now it’s like an obsession I need to see a shark and octopus get it on.  I think I have problems.

5. Ed Gein the Musical.

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

I Sell the Dead (not me personally, you understand).

A long, long time ago in the 80s little Jinx was brought up on steady diet of golden age Hollywood, comic books, Carry On films and Hammer Horror. It made her the person she is today, and probably explains a lot about her psychology maybe even why she is referring to herself in the third person at this very moment, but anyway, the point is this: in a later time, lets call it ‘now’, big Jinx was reminded of why she fell in love with horror in the first place and it was good.

It was my hubby who brought I Sell the Dead to my attention and as he’s not inclined to go into a film knowing too much about the plot all he said was I’d love it and that it had Ron Pearlman in it. I heard the words Ron and Pearlman in the same sentence and I was sold.

Ron Pearlman and Hobbit

Grave robbers Arthur Blake (Dominic Monaghan) and Willie Grimes (Larry Fessenden), having eventually fallen foul of the nineteenth century’s zero tolerance justice system find themselves facing the gruesome feat of engineering that is the guillotine. In the shadow of his particularly grisly death young master Blake finds he has a bit of time on his hands and allows himself to be cajoled by whiskey bearing confessor Father Duffy (Ron fucking Pearlman, y’all!!!) into recounting the tale of his misadventures or Confessions of a Resurrectionist, as I prefer to think of it. And what a tale it is! Blake, ably abetted by man about cemetery Willie Grimes, journeys from impoverished urchin to fully fledged grave robber to ghoul specialising in the not so dead dead. And the of course there is psychotic rival gang The House of Murphy who don’t respond well to others encroaching on their patch.

What follows is a vivid and fantastical tale, a rip roaring adventure of dark derring-do, classic horror creatures and unconventional friendship. It lovingly recreates the nineteenth century in a way only the sixties and seventies could truly appreciate, wholly deliberate on the creators’ part I would imagine. Similarly, I was enamoured of the manner in which it harked back to a simpler time of B-movie monsters, rolling mists, crazed villains and an unquestioning acceptance of presented mythology which made me nostalgic for my formative years and the unequalled excitement of seeing these old movies (which seemed to be always on TV back then, like Keith Chegwin and Bob Monkhouse). Also, in terms of style, I am unsurprised to discover that a comic book version has just come out, today as it happens.

Oh, and it's got zombies in it

In a time of ‘torture porn’ and endless remakes* when I’m questioning if I can really be bothered to drag my sorry arse out in the October wind and drizzle to watch another installment of the Saw franchise when I lost any enthusiasm after the first and the will to live after the third, it was refreshing to see something that genuinely loved the medium and the genre and respectful to it and the little kid inside us all that just being deliciously and thrillingly scared. It made me feel young and I like feeling young and therefore I liked I Sell the Dead.

*all of which have their place, don’t get me wrong, and doubtless much has been written about their cultural significance in terms of today’s’ society that cannot be denied. And am I really in a position to judgement after speaking of my fondness for Hammer and movies of the ilk all of which are surely equally as representative of their culture, trends and time?

Friday, 2 October 2009

If I Had a Child....

...would I dress him like this? You bet!! On a daily basis.

Bruce Willis Owes Me £6.30

Surrogates.....blah,blah,blah, Bruce Willis.....blah, blah, blah, robots.......Blah, some stuff.....blah, blah, the end.

I want my damn money back, Willis. I trusted you, you played a cop saving the world, I thought I was getting what I paid for. I didn't.  Actually, while we're at it, I want my damn money and that two hours of my life back.  As sign of good faith, however, I will allow you retain a spot in my top ten Bruces list. But I'm moving you below Dickinson, Boxleitner AND Greenwood. Campbell never lets me down. He's still number one.

Thursday, 9 April 2009


At last, after 10 long years of waiting, the new Red Dwarf starts tomorrow!! This is a very exciting event for sad geek like me. I grew up with Red Dwarf. I loved it. I share a special anniversary with it. The day the very first episode aired I got my first period. Disturbing, but true.
Unfortunately, though I am loath to admit it, I am feeling very much ambivalent towards these new episodes. I want them to be great, but, lets face it, the ways these things inevitably go is forced ‘character’ gags, horrific nudge, nudge wink, wink in jokes and ultimately only the painful reminder of what was and what might have been. I feel obliged to point out at this juncture that this has nothing to do with the cast being older. Of course they’re older, we all are, and I don’t care, they’re my boys and I love them and anyway age most certainly does not preclude comic ability rather it refines it. But I am taking into account that even I, the most ardent fangirl that ever quoted a Space Corps Directive, who can still reel off entire episodes from memory, and sometimes still will, even I have to admit the last two series were shocking. Especially the last one which made me cry. A lot. But I defended them, they lost a writer, and an actor, (yes Chris Barrie I’m talking to you. Left to do the Brittas Empire. Does anyone remember the Brittas Empire, Mr. Barrie? Barely. Is the Brittas Empire still remembered so strongly after twenty years that it’s been given a much anticipated reunion special? Is the Brittas Empire still a firm fan favourite, a cult classic? Is it commonly considered an iconic comedy that redefined the genre and a fine example of British comedy at its very best to boot? No, I think not). You see, now I don’t sound like I’m very excited at all, and I am, I really am. I’m hoping that this is all just residual trauma from the whole Indiana Jones debacle that I still can’t talk about.
Right, now that’s out of my system I can get back to being genuinely thrilled about it. I will cast aside all cynicism and comedy snobbery and approach it as the twelve year old I once was who first sat down in her grandparents’ kitchen and laughed till she cried at the boys from the Dwarf. And also learned that smeg was a most excellent and useful expletive.

I shall sign off now with a collection of my favourite Red Dwarf quotes. Enjoy, and remember, I didn't come here looking for trouble, I just came to do the Red Dwarf shuffle....

Cat: As soon as I find the right small group of girls, the seven or eight women who are right for me, my wandering days are OVER buddy!

Rimmer : Step up to Red Alert!
Kryten : Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.

Lister: The red, green and blue alert signs are all flashing. What the smeg does that mean?
Kryten: Well either we're under attack sir, or we're having a disco.

Cat: Hello, hello, testing, testing, one, one, one, me me me. Attention all lady cats! I am feeling very, very sexy! Can you hear me, lady cats?! My body is available.

Rimmer (Future): No, look, I'm you from the future. I've come to warn you in three million years you'll be dead.
Rimmer (Past): [Sarcastically]: Will I really!?!
Rimmer (Future): Yes, unless you do something about it now.
Rimmer (Past): What do you suggest? Give up white bread, more roughage?

Rimmer: The thought occurs that we haven't actually reached earth. The even further thought occurs that we haven't budged a smegging inch.

Holly: Rude alert! Rude alert! An electrical fire has knocked out my
voice-recognition unicycle! Many Wurlitzers are missing from my database! Abandon shop! This is not a daffodil! Repeat: This is not a daffodil!
Rimmer: Well, thankfully, Holly's unaffected.

Low Rimmer: First I’m going to whip you to within an inch of your life and then I’m going to have you.

Lister: Why don't we go down to the ammunition stores, get the nuclear warheads and then strap one to my head? I'll nut the smegger to oblivion!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...