Dear Mr. Rhames,
I love you. I think you’re really awesome and dead good at fighting zombies and that and, in fact, I want to be you. Sometimes, when faced with a decision I ask myself WWVD (what would Ving do) and that always sorts things out, though it makes me a little sweary. Do you want to be on my team for the zombie apocalypse?
I really loved you in that film with Gary Oldman that I thought my husband had made up because it sounded too much like a dream I have. I love you too, Gary, in fact I love you so much I didn’t even care about The Unborn, which is good of me ‘cos it was really, really, really horrible, but you got to add rabbi to your c.v. which was nice. Sorry for assuming that you and Gary live together, Mr. Rhames, that too is like a dream I have.
I also loved you in The People Under the Stairs, Mr. Rhames, even though you were a bit mean, and I was really sad when you died and didn’t think it was fair.
I really like it when you just crop up in really odd films when I’m not expecting it, it’s really good of you to do that because it makes me very happy, like when I was accidentally watching Entrapment the other day and then you wandered in and it was really cool and made me smile.
I really can’t wait for Piranha 3-D, I really love water based creature peril movies and I really love you so it’s going to be great. If you want to adopt me that would be perfectly ok.
Love Jinx xxx