Open Letter to Ving Rhames in which I probably get issued with a Restraining Order

-
Dear Mr. Rhames,


I love you. I think you’re really awesome and dead good at fighting zombies and that and, in fact, I want to be you. Sometimes, when faced with a decision I ask myself WWVD (what would Ving do) and that always sorts things out, though it makes me a little sweary. Do you want to be on my team for the zombie apocalypse?

I really loved you in that film with Gary Oldman that I thought my husband had made up because it sounded too much like a dream I have. I love you too, Gary, in fact I love you so much I didn’t even care about The Unborn, which is good of me ‘cos it was really, really, really horrible, but you got to add rabbi to your c.v. which was nice. Sorry for assuming that you and Gary live together, Mr. Rhames, that too is like a dream I have.

I also loved you in The People Under the Stairs, Mr. Rhames, even though you were a bit mean, and I was really sad when you died and didn’t think it was fair.

I really like it when you just crop up in really odd films when I’m not expecting it, it’s really good of you to do that because it makes me very happy, like when I was accidentally watching Entrapment the other day and then you wandered in and it was really cool and made me smile.

I really can’t wait for Piranha 3-D, I really love water based creature peril movies and I really love you so it’s going to be great. If you want to adopt me that would be perfectly ok.



Love Jinx xxx

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rentaghost

-
Image
The Rentaghost cast When I was young Rentaghost was my absolute favourite show ever Once, when I was about seven, in an attempt to integrate me, my mother suggested I join the Brownies; the idea was met with scorn and derision largely because the Brownies swarmed (I’m assuming that’s what Brownies do) on a Rentaghost night, and they sucked, and dressed like tiny poos, and they sucked. It turned out later that I just wasn’t a naturally inclined participator in group activities. Needless to say I didn’t have a lot of friends as youngster, but then there are also no childhood pictures of me dressed like a chubby, redheaded turd at a jamboree somewhere, so take that, Brownies, who’s big and clever now?! Rentaghost was a British children's television comedy programme broadcast on the BBC between 1976 and 1984 and revolved around a company, 'Rentaghost', which hired out ghosts for a variety of potentially hilarious jobs and purposes. The first series of Rentaghost saw th
Read more

Clive Barker's Coldheart Canyon: A Hollywood Ghost Story

-
Image
I have issues with Clive Barker. In theory I should love him, the gore factor, the homoeroticism, the 80s, etc., but somehow I find his books inherently forgettable and that annoys me because I really want to love him and he insists on making that so hard for me. I keep being surprised by books of his, they jump out at me from nowhere and I discover I’ve read them and just couldn’t remember a damn thing about them. (Actually the reason CB keeps cropping up in my house at the moment is that my husband has suddenly developed something of a big boy crush on him and his novels keep dropping through my letterbox with alarming regularity and startling me with their familiarity). When I read the blurb about Coldheart Canyon I thought that it was going to be right up my street: A Hollywood Ghost Story, it promised me, I love old Hollywood, I love ghost stories, this has to be the Clive Barker book for me! Also, one irate Amazon reviewer described it as: ‘far from what I would call horro
Read more

Horrific Beards I Have Known and Loved

-
Image
Kurt Russell R.J. MacReady The Thing (1982)   I’m fairly certain that it’s widely agreed upon and that I can speak on behalf of everyone everywhere when I say that The Thing is awesome. I’m also confident that few people will disagree when I say that Kurt Russell in The Thing is awesome. But, despite the inarguable awesomeness of Mr. Russell, there is still one who monumentally and heroically overshadows even him, one who is the true star of The Thing, and that star is, of course, Kurt Russell’s beard! As helicopter pilot R.J. MacReady, Kurt Russell, or more specifically Kurt Russell’s beard, is stationed at U.S. Outpost 31 in the Antarctic when all manner of alien skulduggery kicks off and it seems apparent to me that it was the beard who was running this show. Although part of a twelve man crew, MacReady is something of the brooding loner and prefers to spend his time alone in his cabin playing computer chess and cultivating an alcohol problem. Despite this, and a general al
Read more